When Red Cards Don't Suffice

So you and the fellas are going out to enjoy a nice game of futbol to revel in some good old fashioned man-time. All of the classic elements are there. You know, some healthy competition, great displays of athleticism, a couple good physical confrontations, and, of course, a good solid man-thong. Hold that thought…brotha!? Ok, so I can understand the comfort of some briefs or compression shorts during a vigorous game of soccer, but a man thong, really!?? One could suffer more than just exposing themselves to the crowd; does the word “flossing” mean anything to anyone?

Here’s the deal, if you are going to be so bold as to rock that thing out like that (with matching colors, might I add – he thought about this), at least have some sort of fail-safe. For instance you could securely fasten your jersey to your shorts to prevent the ever-so-eager camera man from capturing this lovely shot.

Oh…South Africa lost the match 3-1; talk about salt on the wound.

Nobody is Innocent...

Sorry it has been so long since my last post but I would be remissed if I let this blog die. So without further ranting and raving, here is the reinstating picture and post:

You'll have to forgive me, but in all honesty, I don’t know how to describe or explain what is going on here. Perhaps it would be best to leave this image’s explanation up to some possible captions:
"Human Genome Project: Violent Babies?"
"Local SWAT Team Detained Until Further Notice"
"Changing the Diaper: A New Approach"
"Ok, so I escaped from the crib, but GEEZ!!"
"Celebrity Children: Overprotected?"
"Ok team, you know the drill, let's move out. Leave no survivors"
"C'mon guys, is public urination really that serious?!"

Moral: Don't Cheat, For Many Reasons

Well alrighty then, I'll make this into a quaint little multiple choice option for you in case you happen to find yourself wondering what is going on here:

A.The man appearing to be hanging from the balcony is actually a private in the military doing some in-the-field pull-ups for the aggressive drill master with the gun. The lady is the nurse just looking on.
B.An innocent man was just trying to borrow some pants from his neighbor who said “no” and flipped out.
C.The woman is worried about this man who is about to fall off the balcony and the only thing the other man had to try to help give him something to grab hold of was a gun.
D.The man with the large gun is about to annihilate the other guy after he caught his wife cheating on him with this schmuck. The schmuck is pretty much screwed either way because he can either fall and break some bones or stay and probably get shot.

By the off chance that you really didn’t know the answer, it is option “D”. Bad move guy, seriously bad move – I’d say you probably deserve what’s about to happen. And just a side note, anybody else wonder what the person taking this picture was thinking…?!

Iverson Strikes Again

The clock is ticking down to the last minute and the Hawks are up by one. Can Allen the superhero save the day? Let's see: In comes Iverson for a fantastic dunk, no wait, it's his infamous crotch shot. Unfortunately, no points were awarded for this. The look on the face says it all, there is just no way you can spin this to make it a pleasant experience.

Evolution of the Toilet: Go on the Go

In fact, I do find myself sometimes wondering if I could make using the bathroom more convenient or efficient while I'm on a road trip. Herein lies the magnificent answer: the toilet-mobile.

Just picture with me the glorious possibilities of this reality. First, let's pretend this idea morphed into a production ready, four-seater (because who wouldn't want it...). Next, let's pretend you are on a long trip in the car (aka your toilet-mobile)and you think, dadgumit, if my kids have to stop one more time to use the bathroom, I am gonna lose it...but wait...I don't...have to stop...brilliant! One can lose precious travel time with silly bathroom stops, and over your lifetime that could mean literally weeks added to your lifespan. Ahhh, yes, the entrepreneurial spirit of America strikes gold again!

Nature Calls, and Seems Upset

Today I give you this...there are simply just not enough words to describe this video. It is astounding on way too many levels, so enjoy it and remember to think twice before harming that little twig in your yard, it has feelings, too, apparently.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElJFYwRtrH4

The REAL Spiderman

Let’s get a couple things straight about this picture before I dive into the usual sarcastic ranting. First, have a close look and you will see that this man is not attached in any way to the building; just some good ole fashioned free climbing. Second, notice how high he is compared to the skyline. That’s because Alain Robert only climbs the highest buildings in the city.

In his lifetime, which will no doubt fall a bit below the average life span, Alain has climbed over 70 skyscrapers and monuments…WITH ONLY HIS BARE HANDS!! That’s right, no ropes or safety equipment whatsoever! Some notable mentions include the Sears Tower, Petronas Twin Towers and, to a group of 100,000 spectators, the National Bank of Adu Dhabi. Some people are missing various inhibitory mechanisms in their brain…others are just missing their brain entirely. Next time you are criticized for doing something “dangerous” or “crazy”, just remind your critic what “crazy” truly is.

Breakthrough Riding Mower Technology

Despite decades of dedicated research and development by many prestigious companies such as John Deere and Toro, it was two young backwoods developers who inaugurated the best new riding mower technology to date. Think about all of the great benefits displayed by these scholars: you can far exceed speeds of a normal riding lawnmower; you have a buddy with you at all times so as to avoid the dreaded “lonely mow”; if you get tired of cutting the grass you can just ride off to do some 4 wheelin’. There are many more clear advantages to this new machine but I’ll let you use your imagination.

Just remember, next time you think you don’t have something – like a riding mower – turn that frown upside down because you can always consult the rednecks of the world to come up with something genius.

The Public Sink (must be 18 or older)

Once again, China amazes us with its best creative minds as depicted here in this rather brash sink design. I can just picture it now, walking around the corner to wash your hands after using the bathroom to meet your naked, half-bodied female…sink. Yes, in fact, this is an actual PUBLIC sink which brings to mind a few questions:

1. Was this actually commissioned by the public?
2. Was it approved prior to its inaugural hand washing experience?
3. Do they have smaller, dare I say, “kid-friendly” versions?
4. I wonder if the engineers were male or female…okay, yeah, they had to be male.

So hats off to you, oh mighty and slightly perverted plumbing engineer – may you continue to shock the public with your outside of the box thinking.

The New High Roller

So you’re asking yourself, what is the newest and most advanced mode of transportation and how to I get my hands on it? Look no further than the cutting edge technology manifested in this remarkable Indian transportation specimen. It is well equipped with a powerful engine (that has been removed and replaced by an under-fed farm animal), a lovely baby blue passenger compartment (that is technically a double-decker due to the cozy driver’s compartment underneath) as well as the fuel efficiency and stability afforded by having only two wheels instead of the over rated four wheel setup.

Looking to impress your friends with your next ride? I can only image that this fine (vehicle?) will cost well into the hundreds of thousands but official numbers are not out as of yet. My best guess is that the personal cheerful chauffeur will cost extra.